Exploring this Moment

2006-05-03T13:48:00.000-04:00

Exploring this Moment Tight - tense shoulders. Breath short - staccato
Thoughts darting - disconnected
body - breath - mind
this moment - the next ?

Exploring this Moment

2006-04-21T14:28:00.000-04:00

Exploring this Moment Friday and almost time to head home. Its been a long time since I posted to this site. Here I am and its now. Many thoughts rushing through my head. All that is coming up this weekend. All that has happened this week. My fantasies about what other people are doing adn thinking, my whishful thinking about those other people actualizing my fantasies. It could be an interesting next few momnets or it coul dbe a long lonely week ahead. BUt I will practice with each moment. Each moment today has been an excellent moment of practicing. The watcher has been active. I am in this very moment excited about the work I am doing with my students producing the video of their play. They are off right now shooting the last scene. I am avoiding other less apealing work by writing my thoughts out as they occur to me. They enjoyed the movie of my trip to Arizona. for a few photos of that trip check out my Zaadz site at http://dralas.zaadz.com

Now my head is back in Arizona with clear hughe sky verhead and surrounded by intense red rocks. I look up and there is the classroom teacher wondering what I have done with her students. I think I need to talk to her now.

at this point

2006-03-07T10:37:00.000-05:00

Its probably already to late to comment on this moment as it flits by so quickly. Out the window a small wren is starting to build a nest. Its sunny there in a crook behind a drain pipe but its still pretty cold to be laying any eggs. Inside there is tremendous boredom amongst the students. Its one of those null days while some students are taking standardized tests and the teachers do not want to get ahead with some in the class who do not need tot take those tests so its a day for some to catch up, some on their work, some on their napping in a noisy environment skills.

Murmering voices, drone of 60 cycle hummmmmmm, the lights, the PCs, the tapping of fingers on keyboards, sereptitious looks as students try to see if anyone is watching which unauthorized site they are surfing at the moment. Mostly looking at sports or fashions sometimes the hip hop or go-go explicit lyric makes it to headline size on a screen or two. Then occasionally the filter catches a keyword and displays in blazing red letters how inappropriate the web usuage is on that workstation. Everyone laughs except for the student caught in the red glare of the watchful filter. A sputtering of excuses and then we all go on with our bored browsing of the endlessly repetitive internet. Here we are all doing the same thing everyone else is doing.

A quick moment now gone and on to the next....

2006-02-20T19:14:00.000-05:00

Open and inviting. Receptive to everything this moment

one more moment

2006-02-15T14:29:00.000-05:00

hummm and buzzzzzzzz of IC chips and 60Hz power
white walls bright in afternoon sun
alone with my thoughts, not lonely but thoughtful
fingers a little shaky not enogh sleep or fear?

Thirsty for water and craving sugar
stress always makes me want
just want, whatever is next on my want list

Winding Down

2006-02-15T14:23:00.000-05:00

Another complicated day coming to a close. Studetns running out the door lots of chatter. I now have a few minutes to sit write and say what is happening this moment. Stillness not yet, still noise and last minute shouting of who is going where and when but the bus is about to leave so if they are not on it soon then they will be here with me for quite a while longer. Now quieter, now a little more quiet, no all I hear is the sound of the clocks spinning second hand and my fingers batting at the kleyboard. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

An anxious moment not having heard how ALex is doing after his MRI. I will call up there next. But now I am feeling the anxiety. I feel tired. Not much sleep last night. I feel ready for this week to be over and there are still two more days to go.

Thats enough o nto the next moment...........................................

censored

2006-02-14T13:16:00.000-05:00

So I have been hesitating to add more to this blog because each time I sit to write I realize how much of present moment I fell compeled to self censor. Whats the point if I am not exploring this moment due to some idea of whats acceptable to write to this miniscule audience. Its not always going to be poetry or pristine views of powdery snow fallen on the back deck. Sometimes its fury and frustration at how misunderstood my efforts and intentions are by the ones who I beleive are closest and know me best.

What is to loose and what is too tight. I hold the reins of my perception and my articulation very tightly almost all the time. its an aspect of chamelion like nature. If I am too honest it will be harder to change color and blend in with whomever I am standign next to. If I state my position with irrefutable force then how can I maintain face when that position is met by an imovable or impenetrable resistance from someone I want to be clser to? its all too much guess work and the stress piles up. The confusion mounts and I do not really know what my position is because its all been altered so many times to blend into the background of whoever I see in the foreground. Thats me for this moment.

Exploring this Moment

2006-02-01T12:46:00.000-05:00

Exploring this Moment Just like them all

So many Blogs so few that really stay with even their own logic Too much verbiage not enough time to type it all out

Exploring this Moment

2006-01-23T14:28:00.000-05:00

Exploring this Moment:Monday mid afternoon

Rain and pretty warm for January. Busy day lots to do but some time to just sit and write right now. The soft whine of idling computers all around with laughter in the hall outside this room. Some people coming and going. Feeling sad and quiet, but there is also an edge of excitement or dread I'm not sure which. A feeling of expectant, immanent change. Maybe the next period bell is about to ring. Or maybe its the subliminal memory of the 6 blackhawk helicopters flying over head in formation as I came in from lunch. The cost of oil spiking up again, the earlier talk with a coworker on new threats from Osama which I think were actually last weeks news. SO my excitement is at losing more weight this past weekend. The exercise plan actually working, the food portion control actually working, feeling at this moment and for several long streams of moments physically better than I have felt in a long time. Always a down side though the conversation with my Mom of extended family members who are sick now. Sending and Taking, Sending and Taking
May all beings enjoy happiness and the root of happiness.
May all beings be free of suffering and the root of suffering.
May all beings never be seperated from the happiness devoid of suffering
May all beings dwell in the great equanimity that is free from bias, passion, and aggression.

Exploring this Moment

2006-01-16T07:05:00.000-05:00

Exploring this Moment:Full Moon

The early morning mist
glowing milky white
from the full moons light.
I look up as from the inside of a jewel,
the three jewel gem of
Buddha - Dharma - Sangha
surrounding me.

tech now

2006-01-11T09:31:00.000-05:00

Its always everything. Exciting-frustrating, enjoyable-depressing, uplifted-the downside.

Samsara-Nirvana, expecting-disappointed.

Enough said-Pages yet to come.

Exploring this Moment

2006-01-07T12:52:00.000-05:00

Exploring this Moment: Then-Now

The recent comment from my son has me thinking now about what he wrote then. Which was basically pointing out that relating to what I write about now was in the past for him when he is reading it. This is a topic I find myself frequently contemplating. That is how non-duality can be true in relation to time. It seems there is a then and a now. Then can be in the past; as in I did this, then I did that. It all happened back then. Or then can be in the future; I will do this, then I will do that. Each this and that all happened in the now that it occured but we reference it as a future then or a past then in the now we are discussing the action. But, and here is where our languge gets tricky, its now that we are reliving that moment. In a larger sense this explore now blog enlarges any given moment so that the moment you are reading about my now and this moment that I am writing about my now are the same now. The moment in time that you write your comment enlarges to the same now that I read your comment. Your experience of your moment gets to be my vicarious moment by reading it here.

So that was then this is now. I am hungry, I am frustrated with the way issues with my health are going but I am alive. I was healthy enough to do an hour of sitting and Yidham practice this morning. My White Tara practice is becoming very energizing. It is beautiful now with the sun shining in the basement windows brillianly lighting the branches of some of my Bonsai. The wet smell of earth is drifting around the basement as I just watered them. I feel my hunger again, and my frustration at not wanting to eat what I can eat and wanting to eat what I cannot eat. Wanting and not wanting another topic for non-dualistic thinking and acting that could take up hours of writing and pages of blog.

The frustration that no one has found my blog and written to the world about their now is also troubling. In any sense of the word real how can it matter. Yet I want to connect with others out there who are intensely present to their moment and want to write it out. So many sense impressions all streaming in, what gets filtered onto these keys and why. Back and forth from the visual of the grain pattern of the wood in front of my eyes, the audio of the washing machine and dryer going through their cycles, the smell of that wet soil, the taste of that food I want I will not yet let myself eat, to the thoughts generated about those sense impressions, why do I need to eat it if I can taste it so well in my memory, how good it will feel to put on those warm clean clothes, how I need to repot half the Bonsai with new soil, the enjoyment I felt when I sanded down the edges of the book case in front of me and first brought out that lovely walnut wood grain. Enough for now.

Expressing Self and Making Money

2006-01-03T08:55:00.000-05:00

So as I was leaving the last post I saw the Adsense button. Sure I need money especially now with all the holiday bills to pay. So lets see if Google can share the wealth with me. In my life right now I have a lot of interests to talk about. The Dharma. My involvement with the Washington DC Shambhala Center, my work with Khandro Rinpoche's Lotus Garden Retreat Center and thats just the Dharma. I also do a lot of work with digital photography and multimedia. Other interests are Ikebana and Bonsai and gardening in general. I am looking forward to others comments and links to your sites on all these topics and I am very curious what links Adsense will plant on my site. Even more curious how many people will click on those links and generate a few pennnies for this writer.

Exploring this Moment

2006-01-03T08:40:00.000-05:00

Exploring this Moment

Back to work, now taking a break to sit and write. I am feeling relaxed and refreshed from some very pleasant holiday adventures. Work is good and its nice to reconnect with all those work friends. The weather is lousy so not so good for a walk during a break. The news is lousy. So not a good day to browse the news sources its too depressing. So I am escaping being depressed by the moment by writing about how basically good I feel regardless of what is happening in the world at this moment. In my world this moment is good. Of course the next thought is what an I do to make this moment good for all sentient beings. We all want a good moment. How can this moment be so good for me when I know that for so many others its a terrible moment full of fear, hunger, danger, .......

Resting in that I will get back to work now

Exploring this Moment: First thought this moment

2005-12-30T08:33:00.000-05:00

Exploring this Moment: First thought this moment

Right now I am feeling the luxury of having time spread out in front of me. I have a day off work today and Monday. Its dawn on the first day of a four day weekend. The clouds from yesterdays rain are dissipating and the sky is golden in the East. Its warm for the last days of December. Many possible activites call to me, I am pondering the best order of events. Take my meds. Water the plants. Sit on my cushion and do my practices. Clean the upstairs the cat and dog hairs are piling up. Maybe do that first then sit in the nice clean space. Then respond to some e-mails and write some thank you notes. Eventually I will get to a moment when I can return here and write about that now, then.

2005-12-29T15:02:00.000-05:00

Sitting in that moment

First thought this moment

2005-12-29T11:26:00.000-05:00

Creating this blog for this moment in time is the full sum of all thats happened that got me to this point. Those moments are not this moment. Right now I am wondering what the response to this blog will be from others who read and contribute and how I will respond to those posts; but they are all to come in next moments that is not this moment either. SO right now I sit I write I watch my mind. I feel the anxiety of this time and the excitment of this time. It is a day of completion as 2005 ends and a day of creation as what I am doing at this moment will result in future action of body, speech, and mind in 2006. Enough for now. More in a moment to come.